TO:       ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM:
SUBJECT:  SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from all employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will immediately be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list; our management is especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who do not take S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING - SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you.

Boss in General
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.).